Matthew 18:15 (NIV)
If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.
Our Verse of the Day provides biblical instruction for dealing with conflict between church members, but I’m not sure it is being followed much these days…. The broader passage deals with working through disagreements and offenses, so I thought I would reprint it here for our reference and discussion:
Matthew 18:15-22 (NRSV) – Dealing with Sin in the Church
If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out their offense when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that brother or sister. (Cf. Leviticus 19:17; Luke 17:3; Galatians 6:1; James 5:19-20) But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. (Cf. Numbers 35:30; Deuteronomy 17:6, 19:15; John 8:17; 2 Corinthians 13:1; 1 Timothy 5:19; Hebrews 10:28) If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a pagan or a tax collector. (Cf. Romans 16:17) Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you release on earth will be released in heaven. (Cf. Matthew 16:19; John 20:23) Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? (Cf. Matthew 6:14-15) Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven. (Consider a possible parallel to Genesis 4:24)
The Gospel of Luke affords us some additional context on this subject as well:
Luke 17:1-4 (NIV)
Jesus said to His disciples: “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come. It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble. So, watch yourselves. (Cf. Matthew 18:6-7) “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. (Cf. Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13) Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”
As you can see from the scriptural references provided, there is quite a volume of instruction for our study. I think the prominent theme is that we should be willing to go to fellow believers when we have been or feel harmed. If someone has sinned against you, you should go to them and tell them – IN PRIVATE. Do not talk and gossip about them in public. Go to the one with whom you need to reconcile. And remember, the process of dialogue requires love. It requires listening. It might even necessitate repentance on your own part. The objective is to restore the breach in the relationship. The goal is to extend forgiveness! As Peter admonished in 1 Peter 4:7-8: “The end of all things is near. Therefore, be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (Cf. Proverbs 10:12; Proverbs 17:9)
Jesus stated that offenses would happen. The question is: “How we work through them in love?” More than our tithes and offerings … more than our gifts or sacrifices of praise … the Lord is concerned with the thoughts and intents of our hearts. He observes how we demonstrate our love for other people. Is our love sincere or just lip service? Is our love for others manifested in our prayers? God knows in truth! In Christ Jesus, the love of God was embodied in the greatest act of forgiveness … the unmerited release of our own sin debt. Likewise, it is our forgiveness of others that expresses our love for them. Oh, it may be difficult in our human nature to do so; but the precepts presented here in Scripture are too obvious for us to disregard or dismiss. Forgiveness does not mean what someone else did to you was acceptable. It was wrong. It was painful. It impacted, diminished, or desecrated your life in some way. What they did should NOT be tolerated; however, it can still be forgiven. You can still “release” them and pray for them … even if reconciliation with you is not possible. In doing so, you affirm God has been merciful to you….
Remember, God did not excuse our sins! What He did was release us from the judgment for them (death). In most cases, we all still suffer from the consequences of our sin. Perhaps this is why the Apostle James encouraged us to confess our sins to each other and to pray for one another so that we may be healed of our brokenness. (Cf. James 5:13-16) I think his message is that not only should we “release” the one who sins against us, but we should advocate in prayer for their “release” in heaven. In other words, when we forgive someone, we should ask God to forgive them as well. It does not necessarily change the consequence(s) of their sin(s), but the intent is to release the debt owed for their offense just as God in Christ released you and me.
My friends, communication and interaction are essential for forgiveness and reconciliation to be realized. We are expected to “confront” our offenders. But should go to them in love … even when we should feel righteous anger toward them. How we feel is important, but how they are separated from you and from God is the greater issue to be addressed. When people sin against each other, we must realize that we sin against God. There should be a deep sense of sorrow for the offense. There should be a great desire to effectuate reconciliation. The impulse to seek revenge should be counterbalanced with a deeper desire to see repentance and restoration. And even though you act in a spirit of grace, there could be ambivalence or indifference on the part of the offender. Still, we should do what is right and then commit them to God….
So Now You Know…
Have a Blessed Day!
But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most-High God, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. ~ Luke 6:27-37
So Now You Know 